Boundaries......

Dear Beloved Reader,

This topic is not a popular one, it has many unknowns and most of all it is uncomfortable. I believe we need to have this talk. It is one of the most important things to understand to be mature in spirit, soul, emotions, and life. So let's dive in and lay out all the lines in the sand.

"The only people who get upset about you setting boundaries are the ones who were benefiting from you having none." ~ Unknown

Are boundaries Biblical? Do they represent the love of Yeshua? Are they wrong? Are they signs of unresolved bitterness, anger, or hurt? There are so many questions that surround this topic. I will start by saying I am speaking from my own experiences and also from what I believe I see in the Bible. So take what I say, pray about it, and search it out for yourself. We will be starting with the story of Abraham and Lot...

Abram said to Lot, "Let there be no quarreling between me and you, and between my herdsmen and your herdsmen, FOR WE ARE CLOSE RELATIVES. Is not the whole land before you? SEPARATE YOURSELF NOW FROM ME. If you go to the left, then I'll go to the right, but if you go to the right, I'll go to the left."Genesis 13:8-9

Beloved, this is the most perfect picture of a healthy and loving boundary. I capitalized the points I really want to emphasize. We see that in this story, they were having issues {reading in context}, and Abraham (Abram at the time before his name change), being the wise man that he was, pretty much said, "I want to keep peace because I love you and we are close. But to keep that, we must separate." He even let Lot have the first choice of the land.

IT WAS HEALTHY FOR THEM TO SET UP THIS BOUNDARY SO THEY CAN HAVE PEACE.

If such a wise man like Abraham had to set this separation, how much do we need to do this in our life with some people? Why are we so scared to say "You go to that side and I go to the other." This is actually a healthy thing to do as Abraham said, "For we are close relatives, separate yourself from me now." IT IS HEALTHY TO SEPARATE

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We are afraid of losing, rejection, and not loving them the right way. Yet most of the time, we are living and holding on to people who are already gone, rejected us, and are not there. We think of this as an unchanging situation, or x, y, or z. You fill in the blanks that you know you have been brushing under the rug. Loving them is not keeping them; sometimes it's letting them go.

"When people set boundaries with, it's their attempt to contiune the relationship with you. It's not an attempt to hurt you." ~Elizabeth Earnshaw

There is such a bad stigma that comes when someone mentions the word boundary. So much fear and pride come in and make it seem impossible to do. It makes drawing that line in the sand a task that will never happen. Don't you deserve it? Doesn't the other person too? It is better for both of you to say there is this line: you go on that side and I on the other. Because I love you too much for this or that to keep happening.

If I could give you one thing, it is the keys and the stick to draw that line. I want you to have the freedom to say "You go left and I go right." I don't want you to be afraid anymore to put your foot down and take a very uncomfortable step in the direction of your destiny. Not out of anger, hatred, bitterness, or pain. But out of the love, peace, joy, and compassion that you deserve and the other person deserves. You deserve a blessed goodbye.

If you have built boundaries and they were rooted in an unhealthy emotion, you can go back and surrender that because you didn't build a safe haven, you built a prison. Yes, it might feel safe and good, but you were not created for a prison, you were created to soar!!!

"Boundaries don't imprison, they set you free!!!!" ~ Me :)

I want to be clear, boundaries are drawn when an issue is not changing or being resolved Biblically or in a healthy way. There are different types and sizes of boundaries. Wisdom, The Word, prayer, Godly counsel, and Holy Spirit will lead you on the type and size to use. When you see that one needs to be drawn, don't hesitate due to overthinking or fear. Because you are hurting yourself and the other person.

The last thing I want to cover is that boundaries are so healing. They provide enough space so that there can be room for healing and reevaluating life. They are as much for the other person as they are for you. It is the greatest act of love and also an encouragement to make things right.

To close, pray, seek, and follow the Words of the Bible, and also keep your eyes clear from any lens that would block right judgment. Have Yahweh's eyes. Even He separated light from darkness, day from night, and many other things. I love you, dear one, and hope this can be a source of encouragement if you have pondered this.

With all love

Elysa